The Ultimate Ranking of Canadian Winters (From 'A Bit Brisk' to 'Why Do We Live Here')
Philippe has survived 32 Canadian winters. He has opinions. From -5°C barbecues to -40°C existential crises, here is the only winter ranking that matters.
There are two kinds of people in Canada: those who have fully accepted that winter is simply the default state of this country, and those who are still somehow surprised every November. Philippe is firmly in the first camp. He has opinions.
Having survived approximately 32 Canadian winters — each one somehow both identical to and worse than the last — Philippe presents his definitive ranking of Canadian winter experiences, from mildly inconvenient to actively existential.
Level 1: “A Bit Brisk” (0°C to −10°C)
This is acceptable Canadian winter. You wear a jacket. You might put on a toque. You can still feel your ears. People in this temperature range smile at each other on the street and say things like “not too bad out there today, eh?” They are lying to themselves, but it's a comfortable lie.
This is the temperature range at which Canadians host barbecues.
“It builds character,” Philippe says, standing outside in a t-shirt at −5°C, technically barbecuing. “The character of a person who has stopped feeling.”
Level 2: “She’s Cold Out There” (−10°C to −25°C)
This is where the real Canadians are separated from the pretenders. Your car takes three tries to start. Your glasses fog the moment you walk indoors. The dog wants to go outside, then immediately regrets it, then stares at you like it’s your fault. It is not your fault. It is simply Canada.
This is the temperature that inspires our best-selling Canadian Life shirts. Not because it’s funny, exactly. Because the only alternative to laughing is crying, and your tears would freeze.
Level 3: “Why Do We Live Here” (−25°C and below)
At this temperature, the air physically hurts your face. This is not a metaphor. Your nostrils stick together. You check the weather app and it says “−32°C, feels like −41°C” and you briefly consider whether Ontario might actually be fine after all.
- Your furnace is running constantly and you have made peace with your gas bill
- You own at least three different grades of winter boots
- You have said “at least it’s a dry cold” unironically
- You have also immediately regretted saying that
- The geese have left. Dave has left. You are alone.
The Shirt That Captures It All
We made a shirt that says “I Survived Another Canadian Winter (Barely).” It’s in our Canadian Life collection. Philippe designed it at −38°C while Brenda the printer was refusing to warm up properly. It felt appropriate.
Because in Canada, winter isn’t just a season. It’s a personality trait. It’s a shared trauma. It’s a reason to own a funny shirt and wear it under three layers of thermal until May.